After having a conversation with a friend in recovery yesterday, she asked me that similar question. “Why do I have to struggle with an Eating Disorder?” My response was simple; “it’s not why me, but why not me.” Of course she was very confused by this response and wanted me to explain further.

Here is my thinking behind this bold and seemingly outrageous statement—“why not me”

I truly believe that anyone who struggles with something as painful as an eating disorder has at some point asked this same question. Why me?? Why was I dealt this terrible hand of having to fight something with such a negative stigma and that is so misunderstood by the world? I have asked this question so many times in my young life that I seemed to have lost count. (I am only 26) Most of you know me now as Patrick, a very loud spoken and passionate eating disorder activist in recovery from a four year battle with anorexia nervosa and substance abuse. Some words associated with me might be; swagger, passion, heart, positivity, faith, hope, courage, etc. No, I am not here to toot my own horn, if anything; I have the complete opposite intentions in mind. I have not always been this caring and passionate person, and I believe by sharing a bit about who I was will back up my statement of “why not me.”

Pre-Eating Disorder

For the majority of my life I was never challenged and well I really didn’t care too much about anything other than myself. The first 21 years of my life to most would be described as “picture perfect!” I grew up in a very loving environment and things just came easy for me. I had great and loving parents, a role model big brother, and an awesome little sister. I was an excellent student and a stand out athlete. I grew up being very popular and well I wasn’t afraid to let others know it. I was very arrogant, cocky, and short-tempered. I thought I was entitled to everything. My life was all about me, and what you could do for me!! I walked over those who weren’t athletes and didn’t associate with those who weren’t in the popular crowd. I was the typical male jock and I was a big follower. I dated the typical attractive popular girls, and the relationships were mostly for show. At certain times in my life, I had several girlfriends. This is something I am not proud of!!

During my high school years, I set many lacrosse, and weight lifting records. I was all about sports, partying, and getting girls. I was that typical guy that you wouldn’t want your daughter dating. Though on the outside, I looked like the perfect gentlemen! I was all EGO and only into myself!! I did later on in high school meet a wonderful girl whom I dated for over 6 years. She was an amazing gift to my life but I just didn’t see it.

Eating Disorder

Moving onto my college years, my reckless and wild behaviors really didn’t change. I was still dating that wonderful girl I mentioned but you really wouldn’t have known it. I was all about partying, playing lacrosse, and just living my life. Eventually that perfect life I had going began to break down. Looking back, it really wasn’t a perfect life at all. Anyways, I will make this short for the sake of time. In my four years of college; I was arrested twice for drinking, lost my lacrosse coach and mentor in a freak surfing accident, abused alcohol, didn’t eat, cheated on my girlfriend, dated two girls at once, and sat the bench my senior year. Talk about four years of chaos. The thing is though; nobody saw my life in a bad light. Guys thought I was cool and girls still thought I was a sweetheart, and well my parents just thought I was a wonderful son. Honestly, this is around the time that I really started to struggle with anorexia and I really had no idea who I really was. I was angry, lost, and just confused.

For the next four years after college I bounced from job to job, drank too much, starved myself, and was in and out of a very destructive relationship with a college girlfriend. Eventually I lost complete control of my life and thought my saving grace would be to get married. So I got engaged and thought my life would change. Yeah, at this point I was pretty sick. Well, I never got married but something wonderful did happen. A month before my wedding day, I found myself lying on the ground crying out for help.

A few days later, I was off to Canopy Cove with the diagnosis of anorexia nervosa purging type. I spent 30 odd days in treatment and it changed my outlook on life. This brings me to the statement I made; “why not me.” So here is my point and it’s pretty simple. A very dear friend told me something very profound;

“God never wastes a suffering”

This simple message was shared to me a few months out of treatment and it really gave me my life back. So yes, when I think about my struggle with alcohol and anorexia, my response is no longer why me, but why not me!! Don’t get me wrong, I would never wish an eating disorder upon anyone, but I do believe that my sufferings have given my life true purpose and meaning. I am not going to waste anymore of this precious life God has blessed me with. I should be dead, and at my bottom, I really didn’t want to live. Yet, God delivered me from the chains of my ED, and gave me life.

I am not going to waste my struggle with anorexia nervosa. I am going to live my life for God and fight to change the world and field of eating disorder recovery. I no longer live for me, but to serve God, and to serve those around me. I am very passionate, caring, loving, and I will fight for anyone struggling with an ED! My struggle as allowed me to grow and become the real Patrick—that’s why I say…why not me!!! I am truly a beautiful child of God!!!

Don’t waste your struggle, fight for recovery, and fight for those beside you. Recovery has been a blessing for me, and I no longer find myself saying; why me, why me!!! No, my life is not perfect, but I am alive and growing every day. I believe every single suffering can change the world for the better. My world has become my community, my facebook group and friends of over 300, my family, every school I speak at, and every support group I attend. My world is having a positive impact on the eating disorder field and those whom I come in contact with. Your world is what you make it, and you have the power to influence and change it.

That’s why I make the statement; “why not me!” I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Though I don’t always like what happens in life, I do know at some point it will all make sense. Yes, recovery can be hard, and so can life. I haven’t really dated since my fiancé’ walked away and my social life really isn’t all that great either. The old me, would just be like why me, why me….Not this time! I try to see everything in a new and positive light. I now have some of the most amazing friends in the world because of my struggles, and I have so many people I can count on. My life has meaning, and I am making a difference, even if it’s a small one.

Eating Disorders are very complex diseases associated with genetics, social and psychological factors. For this reason, it is very hard to answer the question; “why did or do I have to struggle with an ED?” Why does anyone struggle with anything? I don’t really know the answer to that but I do believe that adversity makes us stronger. My struggles are going to save the lives of so many young men and women, and so can yours!!! Why did Lance Armstrong struggle with cancer?? Maybe to help others struggling with cancer. Why did amazing people like Jenni Schaefer and Kathleen MacDonald struggle with ED’s? Maybe to change the face of eating disorder recovery!!!! I don’t really know but I do think it is a lot easier to answer the question; “why not me!” When we have this mindset, we can face our ED and achieve recovery!!!

You are making a difference everyday by fighting for recovery!!!

God Bless

Patty

So my story? I have been dealing with the degrading voice of my eating disorder since I was four years old, when I looked at Kristi Yamaguchi skating on the ice and thought about how badly I wanted to twirl on the ice. I then told myself that I was much bigger than the girls on the ice and because of that I would never be able to figure skate.

I’ve always been a perfectionist and I’ve always had big dreams…and behind all that I always had the voice of my ED. When I was in middle school everything I ever knew fell apart; my great grandmother died, I moved an hour away from the city I was raised in and my once tightly knit family unraveled. I am and always will be a very family oriented girl so these events were a major blow to me. That was when the voice manifested itself with symptoms. In high school, even struggling with an ED I was successful; I did theatre, I was a cheerleader, I had a good group of friends and I did great in school. It was almost like the better I did the worse I got. A traumatic event in my junior year of high school only made things worse. Then going away to college was when I really started to fall apart and by October of my sophomore year I was forced to take a medical leave of absence to get treatment for my eating disorder if I still wanted to be considered a student.

I was young and wasn’t really sure what to do in treatment…I also wasn’t sure if I wanted to be there. I decided to do what I liked to do in life, yes everybody to death and say “I know” when yes wasn’t appropriate. Anything to get me out in the fastest amount of time, because of this I found myself back at home six weeks later and when asked what I learned all I could deliver was a blank stare. As a result, I ended up going through treatment all over again a few months later, and still after returning from that program I wasn’t able to return to school. So, I started to work, I got a little job at the mall at a pet store working with puppies. This job made me so happy, animals are a big part of my life and I loved being able to be around them every day. I eventually advanced to a key holder, and then a manager in training and in April of 2008 I was promoted to manager of the store and I hadn’t even worked there a year. I was ecstatic, I felt like good things were finally starting to happen again. However, I was still wrestling with my eating disorder and a week after my promotion I had a meltdown outside of my house that nearly ended up with me in the hospital. My nutritionist said my brain was starved and that I needed to seek treatment. Again. I was furious, I needed to put my life on hold again to go into treatment. First I had to leave mid semester in college and now I had to tell my boss who had just promoted me that I needed to leave. That anger ignited something in me.

How many times am I going to have to put my life on hold for my eating disorder? How many more people in my life do I have to lose? How many more things that I love will I have to give up? How many more times do I need to look around and realize I’ve lost control of myself? Its time to take this seriously. With that I started the search; I needed to find the right place for me. My insurance would only cover a place in Florida I had never heard of. I walked into Canopy Cove with blind faith that they would help me help myself; this was going to be the last time. It was the hardest nine weeks of my life but I always say I found my heart there. I did so much hard work and learned so much about myself and what I’m capable of. They also taught me how to live, really LIVE. How to laugh and be silly and have fun. I learned that I love to swing on the swings, that I could get lost lying in the grass looking at the sky for hours at a time, that playing and doing cartwheels in the rain is A LOT of fun. Most importantly I learned that I am not my eating disorder and that I exist without it, that when people get to know the real me they won’t run screaming…and that the real me can be a pretty cool girl.

I left Canopy Cove with a renewed zest for life and hope unlike anything I’d ever felt. I went back to school and the pet store, then eventually left the pet store and am now working at an animal hospital and working towards a degree to become a veterinary technician. I have always had a passion for writing and I’m so glad to have the opportunity to write again and to also be able to share my experiences to help others.

I am so glad that the I Chose to live movement was created, it is so powerful and so inspiring and I am so happy that I can be involved. Recovery is possible. We just have to rock the swagger ;)

“But when the night is falling and you cannot find the light, if you feel your dream is dying hold tight, you’ve got the music in you. Don’t let go, you’ve got the music in you. Don’t give up; you’ve got a reason to live”

Collegiate lacrosse player Patrick Bergstrom was sidelined by an eating disorder that almost took his life. He “chose to live” and now speaks nationally to college students, dispelling the myth that eating disorders only affect women. Come be inspired by this athlete’s message of hope.

Organization: Student Health Care Center
Event Type: Speaker
Description: This event will kick off National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Former Miss Florida and UF alumna Allison Kreiger and former college lacrosse player, Patrick Bergstrom will share their stories of battling and recovering from an eating disorder. This program will showcase that eating disorders have no boundaries across genders. This event is open to all UF students, faculty and staff.

Guest Speaker: Patrick Bergstrom – Eating disorder activist Patrick Bergstrom will be speaking about his experiences overcoming his eating disorder, how to help a friend in need and how we can work to battle eating disorders in the future.

Contact – Katie Gaston: kgaston@csulb.edu

Chris thought being anorexic just meant being really skinny.

Patrick thought only models got anorexia.

Zach hadn’t heard much about eating disorders at all.

And when a doctor told Brady he might have an eating disorder, the then 14-year-old’s reaction was, “Me? But I’m a guy!”

All those young men learned the hard way that eating disorders are life-threatening mental illnesses that can affect anyone, regardless of age or race or gender.

“Eating disorders happen to guys the same way they happen to girls,” says Dr. Ovidio Bermudez, medical director of the Eating Disorders Program at Laureate Psychiatric Clinic and Hospital in Tulsa, Oltla. “It’s not different. It’s not weird. It’s not just for girls. Men can suffer the same emotional and physical complications from an eating disorder.”

In fact, more than 1 million boys and men in the U.S. are struggling with anorexia or bulimia. Experts have long estimated that about 10 percent of those with eating disorders are male, but a 2007 Harvard University study indicated that boys and men might account for as many as 25 percent of eating disorder sufferers.

Click here to read the full article on the Remuda Ranch website.

Amid the many engaging activities, such as an art exhibit and yoga classes, the I Chose to Live program by guest speaker Patrick Bergstrom was especially important.  He spoke at chapel last Wednesday morning and later at the AX Devo. In both, Bergstrom spoke about his struggles with anorexia and how accepting God has helped him overcome his struggle and be able to live his life without restrictions.

To read the full story, click here.

We live in a country that spends billions of dollars on beauty products and fad diets. Everywhere you look there is another ad expressing another way to be thin and look attractive. Yet more than 10 million Americans — nine million women and one million men — suffer from eating disorders, an alarming fact considering that eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses and are increasing in incidence.

Contrary to popular perception, eating disorders are not really about food and “dieting.” They tend to originate from a complex combination of genetic, social and psychological factors, usually developing in the “perfectionist” — a person who is very intelligent, sensitive or searching for accomplishment or recognition. Eating disorders stem from feelings and use food as the “drug of choice” — a coping mechanism when struggling with these problems.

Click here to read the full article featured in Hagerstown Magazine’s March/April 2009 Issue.